The United States Declaration of Independence, in its most famous sentence, lays out 3 unalienable Rights for all humankind: 1. Life 2. Liberty (liberation, freedom), and 3. the Pursuit of Happiness. So… we want to Live. We want to be Free and we want to be Happy. We are alive, but are we truly free? How about happy?

Are you interested in having more happiness, joy, peace, harmony and feeling more freedom in your everyday life? If you are, then please make sure I’ve got your name and email address in the little pop up box that pops up here on this website, (the opt-in box), as I promise to send you the link to the FREE webinar.

Or you can leave me your name and email address in the little box sitting on my Web TV Show, http://RelationShift.TV and I promise to let you know the day and time I will have scheduled the FREE webinar with Marc de Bruin (from Australia) and I (here in the USA)… we’ll do it LIVE and on camera so we plan on having an absolutely hilarious romp while hitting all the important and weighty issues!

We will be taping this LIVE so take advantage of getting all the juice for FREE upfront now because the reason we are taping this is to create a very valuable product and it will not be FREE again! That’s the way those things roll! So if you like great deals and expensive stuff for FREE, better get it while it’s HOT. (well, it is true. You snooze you lose. You can’t ever say I didn’t warn you. It’s right here in writing!)

I’m excited! It’s going to be juicy, informative, practical, deep, funny, wise, life-altering, relationship answering fabulousness for home, work, family, the whole person’s whole life!

What more could anybody want? You get Life, Liberty and Happiness… and when you have Happiness you no longer have need to pursue it!

SEE you there!

Much love,
Tamara

As you know I always do a video with my blog… and I tried shooting this video about 4 different times… but I couldn’t do it without moisture.. the kind around the eyes. See.. some people cry beautifully and look pretty & sweet. Me? Uh… crying involves copious amounts of snot, slobber, edema (swelling) around the nose & eyes and a redness that comes from some deep latent irish gene that only expresses itself in tandem with tears.

So if you’ll pardon me.. I’ll just inset a few photos here and there!

You see it all started in May of 2000. Well… that’s when my whole world changed forever. Ta Da!!! My son, Parker, arrives on my scene!

Enter: All my preconceptions of what kind of mom I would be.

All my dreams, aspirations, desires, (a.k.a. expectations & attachments), to what my child would, could, should and would absolutely NOT be.

Strategy: Be the mother of the next incarnating Buddha!

Implementation: Total “health” hyper-vigilence! Peace, calm, chamomile and yoga with my baby. Eating only organic foods, preparing all baby food from scratch, breast feeding like a champion, reading books aloud, singing to, cuddling with, performing infant massage, and any and every infant bonding technique known to man… all in an effort for… well… bulding and nurturing physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual… perfection of course!

Course Correction: Diagnosis of PDD NOS by 18 mo. Official diagnosis of Autism, High Functioning by age 4. (Of course I didn’t believe the “experts” so they did the whole evaluation over again at age 5.) Diagnosed Autism High Functioning at age 5.

What is it I have learned from motherhood?

1. I did not have unconditional love

True. I thought I was so spiritual… so loving. C’mon, do you see Mother Teresa?! But you see? In even having an expectation that my son “should” be this or that or act like this or that… is well… an expectation. And why did I want that? So I could look like a good mom? I told myself that it was for my son’s best interest that I wanted these things for him, but was it? I mean, did it bother him? Or did it bother me? …it bothered me.

I think it’s normal that we as parents really look to get a little social equity from our children. When they behave well, we look good. When they make “THE” grade, we look good. When they make the team, we look good. We feel pride… uh… it’s about us again, isn’t it? How is that love? How is that unconditional?

Many people use their children to get their own sense of self-worth. If we do that, when do we really “see” our child… or any other person for that matter? That is a pattern of narcissism that leads to an unhealthy life of never really listening to or seeing another outside of the context of self. (And who do we call autistic??? Mmmmmm!!!)

My true test of unconditional love & acceptance came when I could finally love my son… accept my son in the midst of a hellish melt-down temper tantrum in the middle of Walmart or Target and still feel quiet, calm, solid, and okay with me…when I didn’t feel like it reflected on my ability to parent.

When I found I no longer worried about the judgement of others.. about what I looked like… or about looking like I had it “under control,” is where I found love, peace.. and acceptance… real unconditional love for my son.

Oddly enough, when I relaxed, let go and loved him no matter what, my parenting became firm, solid, consistent and reliable… independent of where we were or who was looking at us, my response to him was firm & consistent and not reactionary. I no longer put on a “show” for onlookers to make sure they knew I was a good mommy. I didn’t care what anyone thought anymore. I was finally free. Free to love. Free to be the best mom I could be. Free to “be” with my son no matter what showed up…. behaviorally or not.

The miracle? He began to respond to my strength, solidness, reliable consistency and love.

I became more compassionate and loving… toward him…. and oddly enough… it shifted to more compassion and acceptance for myself and for all those “others” around me as well.

My journey with Autism and with my son.. has shown me how to be truly present for someone else. I’ve learned that not everything is a reference to him or me and that everyone deserves their own acceptance, their own opinion, their own voice… not to be judged by me or my perception of what is “right.”

What has mothering given me? I’ve learned how to love, how to forgive, how to be courageous in the face of doubt & uncertainty. I’ve learned to let go, to enjoy the moments and to be solid in the unsolidness of it all.

What about all my early perceptions of parenting? We can all enjoy a laugh! Uh… I’m laughing! It’s funny!

I still got baby Buddha… just not the one filled with Mother’s expectations & attachments! (Laughing out loud again here!)

Cheers to every imperfect mommy who wouldda couldda shouldda done it differently. Cheers to all who feared they were not equipped for the challenge. Cheers to all who rose to the task anyway in their perfectly imperfect parenting.

I dedicate this to you…. YOU are the everyday Hero. The one who shines brighly!

I found Parker here dancing outdoors in the rain. “Hey, honey, what are you doing outside in your underware, goggles, and umbrella?” “Mommy, I need the goggles so I can see through the storm and an umbrella so I can play in it.” ~Out of the mouths of babes!!!

May YOU always find YOUR goggles to see through YOUR storms and have your umbrella ready so YOU can play in it!!!

(My miracle boy is now vlogging! Check out his vlog Right Here!)

One thing that struck me about Jessica.. in addition to the fact that she is so rapidly rising on the internet as a genuine presence and authentic success, is that she is 100% client-centered and has a devotion and a hunger to succeed for her clients that is…. well… contagioius!

During our time together, I observed this dynamo juggle, move & shake business on the web like I’ve seen no one do before. Motivated? Uh… motivated… leader providing great leadership to others in marketing themselves through social media in a very big way.. well, that IS Jessica Northey!

There’s a reason this woman has over 54,000 followers on Twitter (her handle is @JessicaNorthey on Twitter) but her company, FingerCandyMedia.com is busting loose like a wild fire out of control! Stay tuned!

I don’t know about you, but how many sefl-proclaimed social media “gurus” have you met only to find they have just a few thousand followers? Seriously! Surf the net.. it seems eveyone thinks they are a social media expert after they take a weekend workshop on the subject… take a workshop and become a guru in a weekend… right???!!!! I’d never trust my social media marketing to someone who has less of a following than I do myself.

This woman was so humble during our interview. Jessica cautions me that she does not consider herself a social media marketing guru, but rather she’s just passionate about people, marketing and all things techie!

Watch out World! This is a gorgeous, single woman with a brilliant mind who is also a techie! A rare… and stellar combination!

She’s got the heart and the drive to serve anyone trying to get their message out and play a bigger game! (Jessica Northey creates Celebrities on the web… she’s got a long list of Celebrity clients! Jessica says she creates Weberities! I loved that term as it speaks to what we can all accomplish with the right kind of relationships built through the web.)

“My mom was a single mom who worked hard and was always there for me. I have a passion to help anybody who has a dream, and especially women… I want to give of myself to empower women,” says Northey as I asked her about the driving force behind FingerCandyMedia.com

Jessica lives in Tucson, Arizona with her dog, Sissy (which my 9-year-old son, Parker, could not get enough of while we interviewed Jessica!) Sissy is actually a celebrity herself, but that’s for a another blog post! (Maybe Parker will blog about Sissy on his own blog at http://Parkerisms.com )

My son, Parker is 9 years-old, (he has his own Video blog at http://Parkerisms.com), and the truth is, he knows more about what makes a GREAT speaker than most adults I’ve seen “speaking” from the platform.

Years ago I gave my own voice away to the Sea Witch in an attempt to “fit in.” (Yes, a Walt Disney movie reference from The Little Mermaid)

Like the mermaid, Ariel, I thought that life on land with Prince Eric would be worth the price of losing myself. That if I just swallowed my own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs….be a very very “good” little girl, behave and keep very very quiet… surely I would find happiness.

Instead, I was smothering my soul. All I found was a dullness.. a falseness that was covering up my light and dampening my spirit.

I had become a hollow chocolate bunny in an eternally empty Easter basket.

Not real. Not satisfying. Easily broken and cheap.

Craving something richer and deeper out of this experience called “My Life,” I stole back my voice from the old Hag… traded in my false “legs,” setting free my mermaid tail. Plop! For everyone to see.

Ooooh the courage to allow others to see… me.

Me. The imperfect one, the one that doesn’t always have it together.

Spinach stuck on a shiny white tooth while closing the biggest business deal of the century.

A full-out poppy seed smile at the H-O-T guy in the bagel shop who just complimented me on my New Religion jeans.

Tripping in my leopard stilettos while trying to feel into my sexy…

Spinach, poppy seeds & leopard stilettos (because I LOVE them!) … a real version of me. NOT the version I want you to see in order to manipulate you into giving me your love and approval.

For me, stepping into my own power as a woman (or mermaid) means opening my mouth to allow this inner calling… my voice… to spill out, regardless of the cost.

…even if it means I never get Eric the prince. Even if it means I get banned from the castle… or forfeit the life that everyone else here seems to want on land.

You see, I realize I prefer the sea. I always have. And I love it’s watery depths, changing tides, enchanted echos and endless adventure.

It’s so much easier to be honest! It’s a lot of work making people love, honor and adore you! (nudge, nudge, wink, wink… know whatta mean?)

I’m so free when I’m honest. Free to “be” without agenda or manipulation. Free to speak without fear of retribution. Free to love everyone (including me), in the most unconditional way. Free to laugh, play, swim, dance and be silly just for the fun of it. Free to be feminine and SEXY because I love being a girl, woman, lady… mermaid. (And I’ve learned tripping in heels can still be sexy… if you play it off right.)

Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty we’re free at last.

Me? I’m free to celebrate the tail I was born with… the one that was given to me.

I don’t have to compare my tail to all the other legs in the world anymore.

So what does this have to do with being a GREAT speaker? Being real, being vulnerable up there on the platform and being courageous enough to show an audience who you really are without worrying about whether you look foolish is what GREAT speakers do. (Go ahead! Be foolish! It really feels good.)

It’s showing everybody your tail when they had expected legs. Stuff like that.

GREAT speakers take the risk of showing themselves in front of the multitude.

Me? Ask anyone who’s been in my audience. I’m just me. Out loud for everyone to see. I never quite know exactly what I’m going to do on the platform… it usually hits me just before my feet reach the steps of the stage, but it always comes pouring out of me… unfiltered for whomever is there and thirsty for what flows naturally.

I’m more committed to my own voice these days and the real message is coming out of it’s pretty little container more often. Muscles become stronger with exercise. And honestly, I’m still finding muscles I never knew I had before, so I’m in a process of becoming and building… just like everybody else.

Flex your honesty muscles on stage and take risks to be open and transparent for your audience. Serving others and reaching them at the level of their soul takes you being vulnerable to see and touch your own soul.

Soul-to-soul. This is the stuff of GREAT speakers. Think of those that have gone before us and moved history with the power of their voices? Did they “behave?” Win popularity contests? Did they play it safe? (I Love you, Dr. King!)

Please don’t be fearful or afraid to speak up just because historically speaking, people on land usually murder, crucify, and kill any voice too powerful that speaks forth the highest truth. (I didn’t make this up…. )

It’s no wonder we’re all terrified on some level…. just sayin.

Silent for what price? I think we learn from history (hopefully), and that we’re waking up and evolving as a global community.